Sunday ☕ : The Paradox of Struggle

Cool morning air kisses the warm lake water, birthing a mist that rises twenty feet into the sky, veiling distant pines and mountains in ethereal softness. The sky glows the color of childhood Creamsicles—that particular orange-cream hue that instantly transports me to summer afternoons when the ice cream truck's melody meant freedom, a dollar from mom, and the simple perfection of a frozen treat melting in the heat.

I lived what might be called a Leave It to Beaver childhood—safe, secure, unmarked by significant drama or want. My father engineered this deliberately. He'd lived through the Great Depression, watched his family have to leave their secure little white home on Webster Street to economic necessity, and found himself at six years old doing pre-dawn farm chores on his grandfather's land before walking miles to a one-room schoolhouse. "I never wanted you kids to experience what I did,"he once told me, and he succeeded magnificently.

Yet here lies the paradox: It was precisely that hardship that forged my father into the man I admired. And while I'm profoundly grateful for the security he provided, I sometimes wonder if a measured dose of struggle might have served us better. Like my parents before me, I've tried to give my children that same idyllic childhood—probably solving too many problems that should have been theirs to wrestle with.

The Alchemy of Adversity

Last week at a party, I spent hours talking with a young man barely older than my own children. When he mentioned his "tough upbringing,"something in his eyes invited deeper inquiry. His story unfolded like a map of resilience: father dead from addiction when he was eight, mother an addict unable to care for him, years in foster care, a false reunion with his still-addicted mother, and finally salvation in the arms of a grandmother who refused to let him fall.

Earlier that same week, a friend's eyes revealed similar pain when advising me about estate planning. "Whatever you do, make sure it's all equal,"he said, his voice heavy with memory. A single phone call—his mother demanding he drop everything to visit—had sparked her narcissistic rage. She rewrote her will that very day, cutting him out entirely. She died soon after, leaving not just an unequal inheritance but a wound that transcends money. "It's not about the wealth,"he assured me. "It's the message she sent—one final act of bullying from beyond the grave."

What strikes me about both men is their extraordinary success. The young man has a soaring career fueled by something to prove. My friend reached the pinnacle of his industry. Both emerged from their crucibles not bitter but humble, balanced, and deeply loving. Their pain became their teacher, not their master.

The Edge Between Love and Cruelty

There's a critical distinction we must make: Inflicting pain through bullying, meanness, absence, or abandonment is never productive. It's destruction without purpose. But pain that comes from growth, from necessary boundaries, from tough love rooted in genuine care—that's the kiln that fires our character.

Tough love has its place, unwelcome as it may be in the moment. The difference lies in its source: authentic tough love springs from love itself, while cruelty emerges from narcissistic instability and the need to control.

In my own family, we've faced moments requiring severe tough love—those agonizing decisions to let someone hit bottom so they might finally look up and see the light. It's excruciating but sometimes necessary. My father's tough love toward me once put me in one of the most difficult situations of my life. I met it with fury and resistance. Yet it was the moment I truly grew up, and years later, I thanked him for having the courage to be tough when gentle wouldn't suffice. Even in his toughness, his love never wavered—that was the difference.

The Long Game of Love

Most of my friends carry similar stories—family members who struggle, moments demanding tough choices. Some avoid the difficulty and carry the burden their entire lives. I've watched friends bury children lost to addiction, some wondering if more tough love might have saved them, others questioning if their hardline stance pushed too hard. There are no easy answers, no universal formulas.
A dear friend cares for his wife with severe dementia. When I asked why he doesn't seek institutional care, his answer was simple: "I can't imagine life without her. I'll be here no matter what."Another friend, facing the same situation, recently placed his wife in a facility after she began wandering the streets, endangering herself. Both decisions are acts of love, tailored to different realities.

I wonder how I would handle such trials. Would I have the strength to stay, to honor "in sickness and in health"when health becomes a distant memory? I hope I would choose loyalty and presence, but we never truly know our capacity until we're tested.

The Lifeline Principle

A friend who reads these reflections was estranged from her daughter and granddaughter for years. My advice to her was simple, the same I offer now: Never give up. Never give in. Though precious years were lost, they've found their way back to each other, wounds healing, life resuming its flow.

This is perhaps the most crucial lesson: We all need a lifeline. Sometimes love means letting someone swim on their own, letting them struggle and find their own strength. But even then, we watch from the shore, ready to throw that line when they need it most. We may need to step back, but we never step away entirely.

Conclusions: The Art of Persistent Love

The mist continues to rise from the lake as I write this, and I'm struck by how it mirrors our human experience—warm and cold meeting, creating something beautiful in their collision. Our struggles and our securities, our pain and our comfort, our tough love and our tenderness—they all swirl together to create who we become.

The lessons are clear, if not always easy:

Struggle shapes us, but shouldn't break us. A childhood without any adversity may leave us unprepared, but trauma without support creates wounds that may never heal. The key is to balance challenges with unconditional love as the foundation.

Pain with purpose differs from cruelty. Tough love, when genuine, comes from a desire to help someone grow. Cruelty comes from a need to control or punish. Know the difference in your own actions.

Success often springs from adversity—but at what cost? Many highly accomplished people are driven by early pain. We should ask ourselves: Is worldly success worth the childhood wounds that sometimes create it?

Love takes many forms, all valid. Whether caring for someone at home or choosing professional care, whether maintaining contact or establishing boundaries—love manifests differently for different situations.

Never give up on people, but know when to adjust your approach. Being a lifeline doesn't mean enabling. Sometimes it means watching from a distance, ready, but not interfering.

Time heals, but only if we leave the door open. Relationships can be restored, but not if we slam doors permanently shut in moments of pain or anger.

Perhaps my father was right to shield us from the hardships he knew. Perhaps I was right to do the same for my children. Or perhaps we all need just enough struggle to build strength, just enough security to build confidence, and always—always—enough love to know that whatever happens, someone refuses to give up on us.

That's the real gift we give each other: not a life without pain, but the promise that through whatever pain comes, we won't face it alone. We may sometimes need to swim through rough waters on our own, but knowing someone watches from shore, ready with that lifeline—that makes all the difference.

The mist is lifting now, revealing the mountains in sharp relief against that Creamsicle sky. Some things only become clear when the fog clears, when enough time passes, when we've lived enough life to understand that our struggles and our strengths are not opposite forces but dance partners, creating the complex, beautiful, difficult miracle of a life fully lived.

Never give up. Never give in. But always, always love.

PS: The Art of Living Your Ideal Life

I keep meaning to write that book about designing an ideal life—you know, the one about stepping off the hamster wheel and actually living instead of just existing. Maybe one day. Right now, there are other priorities calling.

The other night at a dinner party, I found myself deep in conversation with a young man about what an ideal life actually looks like. Not working every waking hour. Planning events that truly feed your soul. For him, it’s golf. For me, it’s painting. What is it for you?

I’m about to embark on a nine-week journey—mostly away from the office, mostly away from my daily YouTube grind. Fall is my busiest season, but it’s also when magic happens.

Here’s what the rest of my year looks like… and maybe, just maybe, you’ll be inspired to design your own ideal life and join me for some of these extraordinary moments:

Pastel Live - September

Your gateway to painting without the overwhelm

Four days of world-class pastel instruction streaming straight to your phone, tablet, or computer. Twenty-two master artists teaching thousands worldwide. I believe pastel is the perfect starting point—no complex color mixing, no harsh chemicals, just pure creative expression.

**Ready to discover your artistic side? Join us at pastellive.com

Fall Color Week Artists Retreat - September

Where strangers become lifelong friends

One hundred souls, one week of daily painting in Door County, Wisconsin. All-inclusive: rooms, meals, and daily inspiration. My retreats aren’t just about art—they’re about community, laughter, and rewarding yourself with something extraordinary. All levels welcome. We don’t judge; we just paint.

Registration is technically closed, but miracles happen. Check if we can squeeze you in at fallcolorweek.com

Plein Air Painting in Switzerland - October

The adventure of a lifetime

My annual exotic painting expedition takes us to intimate Swiss Alpine villages, then on to Lake Como and Venice. Picture yourself painting mountain vistas that take your breath away.

Sold out, but dreams find a way. See if there’s a last-minute spot at https://www.paintswitzerland.com/

Plein Air Live - November
Master the art of outdoor painting

Four days with over twenty top artists teaching the secrets of plein air painting. Whether you’re curious about outdoor painting or ready to elevate your skills, this is your moment.

Transform your relationship with art and nature. Secure your spot at pleinairlive.com

Radio TV Forecast - November

Where media meets mastery

Decades of hosting this premier financial event for radio and television at New York’s Harvard Club. It’s not just business—it’s about the future of media.

Join the industry’s brightest minds. Get details at radioinkforecast.com

Art Business Mastery - December

Turn your passion into profit

One transformative day covering everything you need to build a thriving art business. Critical foundational principles, timing perfect for planning your 2026. New content, proven strategies, thousands of success stories.

Ready to make your art work for you? Master your art business at artbizmastery.com

Watercolor Live - January

The world’s largest online watercolor celebration

Twenty master artists sharing the secrets of watercolor in the world’s most comprehensive online event.

Start the new year with liquid inspiration. Early access at watercolorlive.com

The question isn’t whether you have time for an ideal life—it’s whether you’ll make time for it

Which of these calls to your soul? Don’t wait for someday. Someday is today.

Choose your adventure. I’ll save you a seat.

P.P.S. - That book about designing an ideal life? Maybe I’m already writing it, one retreat, one painting, one meaningful moment at a time. Care to help me write the next chapter?*

Speaking of books. I just rewrote my out of print book Make More Monet Selling Your Art: Turn Your Passion Into Profit. Fingers crossed it will be released during Art Business Mastery. I rewrote the entire book, and added 500 pages.

Who Is This Guy Eric Rhoads?

Eric Rhoads is the founder and publisher of PleinAir Magazine and Fine Art Connoisseur Magazine (both on newsstands nationally), author and host of six Art Marketing instruction videos, writes a blog on Art Marketing, and is the author of the Amazon bestseller Make More Money Selling Your Art. Additionally, he produces the weekly e-newsletters American Watercolor, Fine Art Today, Inside Art, PaintTube ArtNotes, Pastel Today, Plein Air Today, and Realism Today. Eric hosts the in-person Plein Air Convention & Expo, the Fine Art Trip for art collectors, and painting retreats including Paint Adirondacks, Fall Color Week, and the Winter Art Escape, as well as online virtual events Acrylic Live, Pastel Live, PleinAir Live, Realism Live, Watercolor Live Digital Painting Live, Gouache Live, and Art Business Mastery Day. He is also the producer of the PleinAir Salon Online Art Competition and art instructional courses through PaintTube.tv. Each weekday Eric hosts Art School Live, a YouTube show featuring free demos from a variety of artists, and he is host of the PleinAir Podcast and Art Marketing Minute Podcast. Eric is a plein air, landscape, and portrait painter with works at Castle Gallery. He is heavily involved in the radio industry as founder of Radio Ink Magazine as well as Radio + Television Business Report, the Radio Forecast Conference, and the Hispanic Radio Conference. He is the author of the bestselling book Blast from the Past: A Pictorial History of Radio’s First 75 Years. Eric lives in Austin, Texas, with his bride, Laurie, and they are the parents of triplets. Learn more at EricRhoads.com, or see Everything We Do.